Yan's nest

在上海办了张star Gym连锁健身俱乐部的年卡，是近期内做的最有远见的一件事情。才练了一次热瑜珈，就皮肤水当当，自觉长高了不少，颈椎向上伸展，身姿变得挺拔多了，当然，这也跟我每天要jogging四十分钟加塑形器械有关。那天热瑜珈，是人气很旺的orange上课，感觉棒极了，出了一年出的汗，因为高温瑜珈要在38-42度房间内练。昨天上了sharon的经典瑜珈，不知怎的觉得太静了，今天要去做powerstar, 也是orange的课，很期待哦。不过我的硬卡还没做好，不能网上预约（有的瑜珈课及热力单车等是要预约的。）过两天要去尝试一下很眩的单车，车子都被刷成红颜色，动感音乐加帅气教练在一个很黑很黑的屋子动感的蹬车，象好莱坞影视城里的show，期待中。。。

这张年卡还有暂停功能，考虑周到，而且上外附近也有哦，都能用啊，在健身房还有网络，有休闲读书场所，适合我。

继续瑜珈着。。。三个月后看看效果如何。

一位困惑的学生写信给我，对自己的以后的道路有些迷茫。看到学生的困惑，我很感慨，因为我看到他们选择的痛苦。附上她的信与我的回信，以期共勉。
你好，很高兴你给我写这封信。
从你的信中，看得出，你是一个很热爱思考的人，这会让你很有深度，但同时，也会对你是一种束缚，如果你看过奋斗的话，借用米莱的一句话：生活是过出来的，不是想出来的。
很高兴你已经看出来高翻学院在培养训练人才的局限性--太窄，以及他们的优点--强化密集的训练，你能看到这一点，说明你的判断力很准。既然你考上了高翻，就说明你的英语已达到一定水准，而且自学能力一定不差。这样的话，即使他们的训练有些机械，你也可以作个性化处理，安排自己阅读自己喜欢的书籍，来开拓自己的视野和兴趣点。既然是在学校，我认为首要之事就是象海绵一样的尽可能的吸收知识，增加自己的阅读经验，对社会上的凡此种种不要考虑太多，因为：you have your plan, but God has his own.你根本不知道以后会发生什么。一个非常成功的人--台湾台北市市长曾经说过：全力以赴，活在当下。因为只有你时刻准备着，机会与好运才会垂青于你。至于考不考研，要看你大四时候的各种内外在条件来定夺，过早考虑只会分散你现在的精力和斗志，因为没人会知道两年后会是什么样子。做事情，要认准目标，之后就是坚持不懈的努力。这份坚持，在成功人身上，屡见不鲜，毛手毛脚，只作表面文章的人，根本不具备这个时代所要求的专业精神，也就谈不上实现自我价值了。

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>老师您好，我是0618班的，曾是您的学生。我现在碰到了一些比较矛盾的问题，想请教一下您，很感谢您能忙里抽闲看一看。谢谢。
>
>我现在准备转到高翻学院，但我又不确定我要不要一直走翻译这条路，我当时是冲着那里紧张的学习氛围去的。但现在想想我想把英语当成一生能够热爱的事业，而不是一种工具。我担心在那种高压的环境下，真正的热爱会因此而受阻。留在英文学院相对自由，但同时也会比较散漫，虽然有很多思考的时间，但专业能力又进步得比较缓慢。要怎么样才能把热爱的激情和激烈竞争下的压力很好地结合呢？我记得当时你在给我们讲课时，让我很受感动的是我觉得你是热爱英语的，觉得是一种享受，我很想知道怎么样才能转变到那样的状态呢？是要把它当成自然的兴趣来培养，还是刻意地去追求，最终达到一定高度之后才更有那样地热爱呢？
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>我想一直追求英语，但我又担心我以后不想走科研的路，在那样的情况下还能坚持对它的热爱吗？那样的热爱还有意义吗？我想读研，但不是为了工作，而只是单纯地想多学点知识，这样是不是太理想化了。而且国内的研究生状况，是不是真的如社会上评论的那么糟糕，那么浮躁呢？我个人性格比较敏感，害羞，依赖性也比较强。但同时我比较喜欢反思，这样的性格是不是不适合做人力资源方面的管理呢？这样的性格是不是一定得加以改变呢？但我想了很久，性格真的具有致命性吗？我觉得不是，成功的人应该没有共同不具备什么性格，而只是共同具备什么性格吧？根据自己的性格发展，一定程度上是不是就是逃避了自己的性格缺陷呢？对于性格和事业的定位应该怎么样才更准确呢，在什么时候定位更准确呢？真的需要借助别人的眼光吗？
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>我这样纠结在刚开始的选择上有意义吗？或许方向比努力重要，但是如果抱着这样的思想是不是会一定程度上地浅尝辄止，反倒达不到最终的高度呢？到底什么算坚持，到底怎样才能坚持呢？坚持是一种个性，还是要刻意地去培养呢？从小的个性真的那么重要吗?真的是人看从小吗？
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>这些对于事业的追求，对于女生来说，是不是当面临家庭的时候，永远都不够那么重要呢？是不是在中国传统的观念里，家庭永远大于事业呢？
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>很感谢您花费了那么长的时间来阅读我的问题，更感谢您能帮助我，对于现在很困惑的我真的是最大的帮助，麻烦您了

有远见的我在下午，强忍酷暑从超市抢购了冰冻饮料，现在就可以想怎么折腾怎么折腾了。看电视，喝可乐，躺在沙发上，什么也不干，拿遥控器玩，翻到了演奋斗的那个台，只顾看米莱的衣服，只要一演爸爸级的镜头就坚决换台。看到抗震救灾的，也还是换台，没法看，老是哽咽，只能靠使劲咽嗓子来压住激动。凤凰电影台虽说有外国片，可都老掉牙，引不起兴趣。这么多节目，看顺眼的没几个，每次都是愤怒的按下开关，郁郁的离开客厅，然后内疚的幻想着如果没有看电视，我能看好多页书这类没用的假设，满怀悔恨的挪到床上，继续想明早应该八点到九点之间起床，这样，就可以从容的喝着咖啡，坐在桌前，打开书本，开始新的有意义的一天。第二天，绝对是毫无悬念的无数次按下闹钟，开始我迟到三个小时的早餐。我对我自己很无奈，可是我还是安慰自己说：一定要睡好，不然看书效率也不高。呵呵呵，我对我自己无语。

 

终于要卸下老师的盔甲了，终于不用前一天想好穿什么才得体，才够优雅，够端庄的站在讲台上了。终于可以作回学生了。我是真高兴啊。终于可以旁若无人的在课堂上天马行空谁也管不着，可以对老师的穿着，教课方式品头论足了。（ 在莱顿之所以没有，是因为脑子顾不过来，上课紧张如打仗，一句听差了，句句跟不上，尤其歪嘴上课，课的内容那叫一个难，难，难。虽说当初不费力就得到九点二的最高分，但是现在我再重新来读当时的经典文章，还是云里雾里。不过，正是这种魔鬼训练，我认为给了我或者将会给我金刚身，呵呵，打遍天下都不怕。）终于轮到我了，（我的那帮，不，是那批，确切的说，是数不清的那批可爱的学生们，正在教他们的时候，不难想象成为他们主要谈话话题，不教他们的时候，我的一举一动，说过的话，都被他们在宿舍回忆无数遍也不嫌够。他们的档案里都会或多或少的提到我，感觉很亲切。这还不算无数年前教过的学生还要赶着赶着来送礼物等等。）

 

现在的我，也是出门可以让头发随意散落在肩上，穿吊带背心，半截裤，人字拖，黑超镜，赖赖的，酷酷的走在大街上不怕被学生认出来，即便认出来，也不会觉得不雅，我又不是老师，爱谁谁。呵呵。即使开学，我好像也可以很酷的去上课，在上外时，经常看到这种穿着懒散，怪异，但又不失时尚的各国留学生在校园里，我是不是也可以穿自己想穿的，忘掉自己的身份，痛痛快快的作学生？？？

 

舒服。想到这些，全身的毛孔都在歌唱。

 

 

昨晚上实在是闷热难耐，一仰脖灌进一杯冰镇果啤，以前没敢喝过，听说里面有糖精之类不健康的东西，昨晚喝下去，觉得还不错喽，只是后味带一点廉价冰棍的味道。

 

于是乎，就像个跳脚猴子，就想说话，不会是果啤的原因吧，太没出息了，认命了。

 

不过倒是睡了个饱，十二个小时，今天中午决定下楼吃个午饭，一下楼就后悔得不行，那叫一个热啊。

 

这个暑假不会就这么过吧？？

 

我郁。。。。

今天是一月一次的读书俱乐部活动时间，由于prensenter说要参加婚礼提前到了八点半开始，不会吧。杨老师没有账户，只好让我今天加大家进来，不会吧，意味着我要八点起来。

 

昨晚上好了表，早上八点跌跌撞撞爬到网上，加进来杨老师后，快快洗一把脸，没想到这一洗，清醒不少，干脆借势倒倒我的生物钟，于是乎，将泡饭做早点，冲了咖啡，以为借此就可以精力充沛的干点活了。没想到都快一点了，我还在网上晃悠呢。

 

只是一个字，郁。

 

入学须知说要好好复习二外，如果成绩优秀可免修，不会吧，还要翻那个该死的日语书，我早把它扔上海了。又说要体检，希望大家好好休息，这不矛盾吗？

 

这两天说放假没放假，半死不活的，说有事又没事，什么也干不了。前两天录了五十分钟的像，说是要申请国家级精品课程，那个录像简直就是惨不忍睹，看了一眼，我就不忍再看。脸蛋明明是很pp, 怎么被那个镜头一照就不是我了呢，现出原形了。那个tommy的浅蓝衬衣也没镜头下那末顺眼了。摄像师傅将镜头和我的脸放在一个水平线上，这不明摆着要把我照成大脸妹嘛。。

 

本来打算今天回家，可是外面燥热异常，真是不想动啊。

 

一个艳阳天，就这样被我不遗余力的破坏了。

abo-adrianna 5月15日 17:27 (http://adrianna1973.spaces.live.com/) 外面晴空万里，房间左右摇晃，钢筋咯吱咯吱作响，无论如何也不相信晴天能霹雳，但是摇晃的程度使我不得不相信也许这次真的过不去了，14：28那一刻，除了对死亡的恐惧，就是想象自己被埋在废墟里slow death的恐惧。 竟然逃过一劫，真好。作为灾区的一员，我，对汶川的悲剧，感同深受，为他们祈祷。

昨天下午，下了一场雨，这雨来的急，走的也急，地面很快就干了，下楼去超市买东西，一出楼梯口，就闻见一股奇香，仔细一看，满地的被雨打落的梧桐花，一院子的梧桐花香，沁人心脾，这幽幽的花香，加上悠悠的风，让我这在家捂的快发霉的心，着实感慨了一番。

 

上个月从上海回来之前，去了最人气的美发厅，剪了一个漂漂的发，又买了Gucci的大号墨镜，来配合在法国香舍丽榭大街LV总部买的LV包包，犒劳一下自己这一段时间的勤奋，焦虑和不可抵挡的压力。在上海外国语大学参加了2008年的博士考试，整整考了我四天，我考的是英国文学专业，报名时候，看到排起的长队，暗暗后悔自己的选择，腿开始发软，可是，想想自己这两个月的复习，绝对不能让努力白费，于是，装出一种很若无其事的样子，确认了证件，发表文章，等等，出了研招办，我对自己说，紧张也要考，不紧张也要考，还不如轻轻松松的对待。第一门是专业课，文学评论，那天早上我六点就醒来了，看看时间还早，就晕晕糊糊的睡过去了，做了一个梦，梦见我拿到了试卷，发现自己全会做，于是挽起袖子不停的写。真正考试的时候，拿到卷子，竟然发现自己在梦里的感觉成真，于是乎，重复梦里的动作，挽起袖子，一口气写了十一页纸。前面的大姐惊讶地说，你怎么有那么多可写的？顺便说一下，这位素不相识的山东来的姐姐，从考完第一门就说我一定能考上，而且会考的很棒，直到最后一门专业口试，也是我们最重要的一门考试，我被排在最后一个考，她还在说，你最后一个考？只有最好的才留在最后，你肯定是最棒的。还真让她给说中了，口试的教授同声说；very impressive.给了我95.3分。在此感谢那个姐姐，她比我还相信我自己，让我感到很惭愧。虽然连个电话也没有留，也不可能再见到对方，还是希望她一路走好。

 

考完了试，觉得自己考得应该是对的起自己两个月的复习。说来惭愧，这两个月里，我还是坚持十一点上床睡觉，没有熬夜，没有疲劳战，每天最多的学习时间也就是八小时，有时候想想我的努力不及自己的学生们考研所付出的努力的一半，还是为他们辛酸。希望我的学生们加油，实现他们的梦想。

 

上个礼拜成绩公布了，考得很不错，觉得自己真是潜力大大的，这个礼拜录取结果出来了，已被录取。到上海工作学习，上到博士的这个平台，我还是蛮开心的。回国后去了好几次上海，愈发觉得像台湾，有生活，有情调，吃遍上海各种小吃，创意菜，本帮菜，人气菜品，便利店24小时，很多饭店开到半夜，购物吃饭方便，节奏催人上进，阡陌小巷给你的生活情调，那种闹中取静，还真是让你又有生活，又和国际资讯，前沿学术保持接轨。有着十九世纪落地窗，贵族式的静谧咖啡书屋与走几步就到的繁华淮海路陕西南路名贵品牌店，让你可以过精神，物质两种人生。

 

tm老师从美国打来电话，诧异于我的平静，说我真酷。我觉得我考上博这件事，他比我还高兴。说实话，不是他的真传，我还真没这份自信，在口试的时候，大胆的谈自己的学术兴趣，对生活和艺术关系的见解，在当代文论的语境下和三位严肃，不可一视的老师聊我对哲学，美学的理解。他们从刚开始见到我时的不以为然，到后来齐声点头说我的回答very impressive, 让我感到极端的受用，那可都是上外所谓的大牛教授阿。愈发感到自己这几年平时的积累，我的mentors 对我的指导，对我的严厉，对我的鼓励，给我提供的视野，派上了用场。yang老师也从美国来电话，也问我被录取了怎么还不高兴的样子。我说因为我没被美国top50录取，他说其实很多人在美国的打拚辛苦程度与后来实际得到的回报差别之大使得他们觉得It does not worth it. 再说，如果我报一个我不喜欢但容易被录取的专业，那是浪费生命，浪费才能，以后也不会有太大作为的。他这样说，真的很nice. 英美文学专业在美国确实很难拿奖，不过，不管怎样，以后还有很多书要读，这才是个开始。

 

厚积薄发，不变的道理，厚积不容易，要耐得住寂寞，焦虑，迷茫和无助。一路走来，有了很多的收获和感悟，于是，记录下来，勉励自己在以后的三年学生生活中，厚积薄发，内心沉静，不辜负大家对我的期望。

Reading through the fragmented notes, the ramifications, the complaints, the self-boosting words written by myself in the blog, I traveled the time tunnel of the past two years. The words of the earlier articles were light-hearted, juicy and dancing in the orange-colored sunshine with fresh lemon smell. The words of the 2008 are of an entirely different species, hard and dry, realistic and ironic, self-effacing and self-analyzing.

 

I am now well-conscious of what the life had taught me and what I have taken from it. Hardened and roughened-up, I am defarmiliarized by books, literary lectures and my mentors. My mentors are like artists in the books, reshaping me, deflating my own unpractical romantic feelings, defamiliarizing life for me so that I can start seeing the world not with the eyes, but through the eyes.

 

I am always on the verge of mocking at things sentimental now. Even Alfred Tenneson's poetry can not evoke the same recognized praise in me. Too musical to be pungent. The beautiful sounds are simply for their own sake.

 

I love T.S. Eliot. I love his critical essays best. Yesterday, I read his "The Metaphysical poets" and found that he is standing right in front of me, talking to me, right on the podium, talking like a real man, a real scholar with his brilliant wit and eloquence. Irrisistable man, indeed.

Stirred up by millions of ideas, I find myself wide awake. Lying on bed for what seems to be an infinitely long period of five hours (from 22:30-2:30), I simplely gave up and ushered in my next day in the room.  

 

Funny to recieve a text message for Valinetine's Day from a female friend-cum-classmate on 15th of Feb. A friend that I have not met and have not contacted for 14 years since graduation from the university. She seems to still linger in the last century.

 

Good to have so many ideas in mind upon the beginning of a new year. But I know I have to suffer from the post-carnival symptom (the Carnival of ideas)---Yawning all day and feeling restless and fidgeting and eating when I should stop and sleeping when I should be awake.

 

Am I really on the road? on the road of literature? hahaha. not yet, but not far from that road. hehehhe

 

 

 

 

 

Life is full of ironies. I am now best blessed by it. Scoffing at me, it teaches me heavy lessons. The discrepencies between what I think and what the reality is are always forgotten and ignored. Now my innocence has its consequencies. Sometimes naivity cannot secure you a firm place in such a harsh life. A very well-intented action in another context may turn out to be very disastrous and hurtful, both to the self and the others.

 

Language is also deceitful. The words said are not what one intends, less what the others interprete, least what the others understand when the words are put willfully by the listeners in weird contexts. The impotency of words in the tremmelled conversation is conspicuously felt and acutely sensed in such a way that the utterer of the words can do nothing better and more sensible than choosing to be wordless.

 

12 o'clock, on the eve of the last day of Chinese lunar new year, standing on the belcony on the highest point of the building, I imagined myself in an honorable war, a war that is going to explode the old world into dregs and pieces. The noises and lights of the fire works demolished the illusions built in the air and brought me to a wiser but sadder self in 2008.

Living a life of a groundhog, I found myself a stranger in the city when I  stepped out of the house finally today. Many construction work is going on and many new things have shown up in a relentless way, pushing us to admit their existence in a funny way. The construction sights of dirty tunnels for the Metro station are enclosed  by a plethora of posters of Xi'an Ancient sights, attempting to make the place look bearable. What an irony! Not far from that, the silente city wall, standing there solemnly, eyed all these in a cold and indifferent way. Very soon, we will be real groundhogs, tunnelling up and tunnelling down, admiring how efficient a modern way of life can be.  

Walter Benjamin in his Arch Plan said that what a fashion or vogue means is a craze for the lifeless things, a willingness to be subjected to the control of them. The relationship between us human kind and the liveless things will finally displace/alienate us from ourselves. Very smart. Far from falling in love with things coming down from the past around us at first sight, we live a life busy saying goodbye to them, casting our last glimpses at them. (不是一见钟情，而是最后的一瞥)

Sleeping on Shakespeare's sonnets is an amazing idea that flashed into my mind when I was coaxing myself to slumber last night. What will it be like if I transcend the time and place to see how the Elithebethans live and love, dress and talk? It must be a luxury.

Nonsense?!?

If things that have been done can be undone, if the minus 7 weather can be warmer.....

----A confession for making our beloved people feel so bad

 

I feel really bad for making you feel so sad.
A delayed sorry can not remedy.
A delayed explaination  is weak and pale.
But still I have to say sorry for not saying sorry to you since I assume that you will just laugh off the letter of absence (My past expereince told me that.)
 
I did not check the mail for a long period of time and got confused as to  if we meet on Saturday or Sunday after the last adjustment. I should have got up Saturday morning to check it out, but I slept till ten thirty. I called Xiaoou that Sunday and on the phone we two said sorry to each other for the absence . It may seem rediculous to you to read until this. But it is true. Sometimes the words not said in public are truer and some other times things unsaid are more powerful than the things said. Think about Cordelia and King Lear. I am not looking for any excuse. i just want you to know that in our deep heart, esp. in my heart, you deserve our utmost respect and love from a sense of workmanship and friendship.
Sorry for letting you down.But the unsaid but most felt things should never be neglected.
 
I almost deleted the letter just now. Because it is so weak.
But finally I decide to mail it to you because it is heart felt.
If it can make you feel a tiny bit better, it fulfilled its task.
 
Yan

I can hardly remember for how long I have not keyed in a single word in here. And I have not the least idea as to how come I once again reconnect myself with the lost yan's nest. Perhaps I myself am lost? ---Perhaps. In what way? I do not know. Perhaps I am stirred up by something? Mmmmm---Yes!!! But what is that something? There is something, no doubt. The reading of the book? the book by Milan Kundera? The Curtain, or something else? The voice! Thank God, the book and the voice. Happy to have this something located. Visual and audio---hopelessly impressive!

 

Only two sections of the book had made me decide to sacrifice the whole night to finish  it. Tortured by to-read- on -or- not question, I made a compromise and decided to save the rest of the book for the more unbearable and gloomy days. One can not be too greedy. The delicacies need to be tasted in an aristocratic way.

 

The memories now are most keenly felt and they are the things that make the extremely cold days warm and tender, lovely and shining, 19th century and luxuriantly European. The snowflakes, the dry and dark coldness, the wet sidewalk, the snow covered central park lot, the muffled city, AND the two vigorously playing dogs, rolling and jumping on the thin blanket of snow with light but quick dancing steps. The most noble and innocent scene. The only sound which is almost unrecognizable is the sound of the dog's fur rolling on the sandlike snow on the ground. So substantial but so light.

 

The turning of the year is very interesting. The vulgar and the beautiful, the not very vulgar and the not very beautiful, all combined in an aesthetic and interesting way, never forget to amaze me and delight me and bite me.

Finally I sit down and turn on the laptop, doing something that I have neglected entirely for a considerably long period of time. The breeze outside is so nice and comfortable that it makes me feel like die with it. The music streamed out of the microphone is so touchingly moving that I can sense a strong turbulence in my heart and am ready to shed tears while singing along with the music of FIR-OUR LOVE. The autumn is so milky and sensual and it is just like your skin---you can not feel it, but it is there, pervading every cell of your body, mingling with you, dancing with you, floating with you.

 

Life is sooooooooo wonderful with its uncertainties and its fluctuating rhythm. You never know what will happen next moment. You never know which turn you will take next. With the exhilarations it offers you, you will next moment be thrown to the bottom of the hell without any possibilities of being saved by God, like Dr. Faustus, determined to sell his soul in exchange of unearthly knowledge and joy.

 

This is life. This is what I like soooooo much to be alive and this is also what I fear most to lose in the world. To be alive is so amazingly attractive that I would even trade off my beauty for a longer life span. Unlike most of you who would rather die than suffering from the old age and ugly look, I would die for lingering in the world for as long as possible to melt my flesh and blood in it. Soaking my body in this milk-dripping world, I thank God for letting me be me, letting me live what I am living, letting me cry for what I fear to lose, letting me dream what I dream.

 

Like you, I can acutely feel every sign that my body gives me. I can easily discern every trace, though feeble and secret, that I am growing older. The strength is draining away from me. The wrinkles are showing themselves though I want to erase them off from my face with every means. The beauty on the face is for ever turning inward, adding charisma to me, but the young look is further further away from me. In the midst of the dead night, the painful thought of getting older and closer to death tourtured me clearly in my ears, visual in my eyes, gnawing my heart. Year after year, I can hear the footstep of Him after me. I am chased day and night until I reach the end.

 

Even with these, even with all these, I love to be alive. I love to feel and touch the impending death. It only makes me cherish the life with greater gratification.

 

With heart and soul, I savor the JOY of life. With heart and soul, I savor the JOY of death.

 

 I mean it.

今天进入改卷子的第二天了，改了七百多份，累得都得鼠标手了（按鼠标的肌肉严重酸痛，无力），尾椎骨和颈椎骨疼得不行，眼睛酸痛，本来要请假来着，可是还是觉得今天精神比昨天好了很多，自己还能坚持，所以，快乐的坚持着。

 

因为有xo美女， lin美女作伴，痛苦减轻许多。

 

不过，还是很高兴，今天得知日语一级考试的了80点五分，真没想到，感谢上帝，没白费心思。

 

看屏幕的眼睛，现在有点不舒服了，不写了，吃饭。

The students taking part in the entrance exam are nicknaming the three days---7th, 8th and 9th of Jun as their D-Day. But they never know that the week after their D-Day is our Super D-Day. We will be tortured by grading their mountain-high papers for five days in a row. The only difference for this year's suffering for us teachers is that we are double suppressed by high-tech.

 

This year, we will use computers to grade their papers which have been scanned onto the computers to test our teachers' sight and neckbone and backbone and patience.

 

I have been under the shadow of this Final Judgement for a couple of days. And the direct result of the terror caused by this impending disaster is today's sickness, namely nausea for twice, 6 o'clock early morning. I was so sick that I had to cancel today's class and gave me a break in case that my fragile body will cause any inconvienice to this "honorable" task entrusted by our honorable authority.

 

I swear that I will sacrifice my life to it for fear that our errors will incur any ruin onto our dear dear candidates and I will exhaust myself to sweat for some unknown power for some god-damn-it reason.

 

P.S. After Mother's day, Father's day is coming. How I wish mum and dad can enpower me with their tender love to help me survive this disastrous and bloodless 40- hour-campaign. The photo is taken last month when my grandfather was having his 80th birthday. And of course, hope my husband can take me to eat out more frequently for the energy needed for the unforeseeable next week.

 

P.P.S. 忍不住又贴了几张，是在巴黎圣母院，海牙海滩，阿姆斯特丹照的。

Inspired by juanj's blog of the discussion about Chinese English learners' confusion as concerning the usage of she and he, and Juanj's ramifications upon US Politics and its influence upon people's lives, I wrote the following comment as my response:

 

A Long Day---Free Writting

Today is a very long day for me, but it is also very rewarding.   Getting up at 6:40 in the morning, I only found time to sit and took a deep breath at around 6: 40 in the afternoon.   It is on the whole a very busy but happy day. Chattering with the grads and the undergrads, sharing with them my ideas upon the issues we have been discussing in the class are helpful for me to thread out my ideas in a clearer way. Ideas and views on some tricky problems have been expressed in a lucid way. This is greatly helpful for me as it gives me a chance of sharpening my perception and forcing me to rethink the logic hidden in the lines of the texts. Now I found that my sense of language is increasing and I am ready to welcome any challenge of life.   People are really some kind of creature which has great potential to be explored. Earlier, I only took this as a mere theoretical expression. But now it appears to me that it can be put into practice simply by putting your heart into the thing and taking action. Period. It is that easy so long as you start doing it and concentrate.   It is easier said than done. So we are told. There are some truth in this idea since one's plan and idea are likely to be upset by many unexpected events and barriers in its actual application. But the tendency of first giving too much thought and thinking to some vague idea may simply dampen your will to act. It can further distort the image of one's perspective and potential activity by assuming the over-exaggerated difficulties lying before you. In addtion, when you talk the ideas with your folks and friends, you are more likely to be asked to think twice. The action will be delayed and tended to be forgotten with time passing on. In this case, one's passion and enthusiasm will soon cool down and even be totally forgotten. Prime chances are thus missed and dreams are thus left unfulfilled. What is left is nothing but regretting for the rest of life over the undone things.    So never allow the things said by both you and the others to take the precedence over the things intended. Do it yourself and you will find that it is not minencing and unsurmountable. It is much easier than you assumed.   Muddle-headed, I can not continue writing. It is so energy-consuming plus a whole day work.

I wrote the following lines in Lin' blog commenting on her reflections upon the choices people make throughout life. But I suddenly find what I wrote can also be applyed to me and serve as a cure at the crossroads of my life.

 

The road not taken is the one that offers imagination.   And the melodies that are heard are sweet, those unheard sweeter.   Take the road you have chosen in a firm way while sparing some space for imagination.   In this way, you take two roads, both literally and metaphysically.   照片是拜仁慕尼黑足球队的狮子logo,这只是慕尼黑大街小巷里，广场周围众多形态各异，色彩分呈的狮子之一。在夜幕的映衬下，他们显得格外显眼。这是在慕尼黑忒别著名的市中心广场边上得一只狮子雕塑。

Get up early in the morning, I went to the campus for a whole day battle for the oral defenses of the undergraduates. The procedure is like this: each of the three teachers asks a couple of quetions concerning the theses of 11 students.

 

After over three hours' questioning, we went to have a lunch-box like thing as usual and chatted about the students' perfomance and things need to be done afterwards.

 

In the afternoon, another two hours were spent on the same thing. By the time I went back home, it was already 5 pm.

 

Back home, felt that the energy was not fully released. Turn on the laptop and browzed on the webpage till now. Found out that I need to update the blog and write down the dullest log that was only realized a minute ago.

 

But, there is something secretly cherished in my heart that magically makes all the usual things unusual. Life is that simple, but not that simple when your heart makes it all different.

 

The photo were shot this time last year in Tulip's show in Kuchenhoff in Holland. The photos in Munich, Germany are to be followed in the next blog.

One thing that people do not want to grow older might due to the undenying fact that there are more people to be worried about and to be concerned for the rest of their lives.

 

Parents are on decline phyisically and mentally. That hurts everytime their smaller figures flash in your minds. When you get a husband or a wife, there are even more to be worried about. And then, when there is kids, it can never be worse when you see that the little thing is in total exposure to the seductive society, vulnerable to any possible dangers. When your friends whom you are so concerned with are encountering troubles and diseases, you get fidgeting and restless.

 

However, to look it from another perspective, we are so happy and lucky that we have someone to live for. It sounds a lot suffocating and oppressive on first thought. But isn't that true that when we do things well, we are exceptionally happy 'cause our beloved ones can live better, and share our joy of success? If there is no them, the motivation for striking higher can be a lot weaker and the joy of success will be reducted by half.

 

Wish all the folks and guys that we are showing love to are taking care of themselves for OUR sake.